Flower Field Adventures
by Watercolour Lamppost
Summary: Sirius frolics in a flower field, and magical, ridiculous, funny things happen. Fluffy random oneshot. Collab with choco lover pink. Reviews are cherished and welcome!


Once upon a flower field, there was a Sirius, because, as you well know, every fanfiction has to have a Sirius. Not only was Sirius serious, but he was Sirius Black.

It was a sunny afternoon, and Sirius was dancing and prancing and frolicking gaily in a yellow field of flowers. All of a sudden, through no means of natural transportation whatsoever, James Potter (even though we know he's been dead for thirteen years now) appeared out of thin air.

"Well hello, Sirius!" James exclaimed, as Sirius, his lifelong best friend, had not noticed him.

"James! Where hath thou been? I hast not seen thee for a long, long time!"

"Sirius, why are you talking like that?" James asked, puzzled. The last time he had seen Sirius, he had been acting normal, by his own set standards, anyway.

"I doth not know, it be the authors, they be-eth crazy! …eth." Sirius looked at James with an unreadable expression and screamed, "Jamie, I hasn't seen thee in such a l─ NO! It is the fangirls! They ist behind thee, James!"

James turned around swiftly, panicking. He knew what the fangirls were capable of. He had enough back at Hogwarts and, now that he had seen the _Harry Potter _fandom grow, he feared them.

"JAMESIE! YOU'RE BACK! OLOLOLOL GAIZZZ ITS JAMEZZ LOLOLOL AHH OMGZORZZ!"

"RUN FROM THE FANGIRLS, JAMES!" Sirius yelled.

They did so, and while running, James yelled back, "Oi, Paddy, you're talking normal again!"

"I am?" Sirius questioned, but was interrupted by a loud popping noise.

Everything was filled with dramatic silence.

"OMGGGgg LIEK ITZ HARRY!"

"I'll stop them, guys!" Harry yelled valiantly.

Sirius and James began to clap and cheer with the fangirls, but another loud pop broke the fanfare, revealing (out of a cloud of mist) Voldemort.

"Harry Potter, I must kill you!" yelled Voldemort, otherwise known as Big Daddy V or Voldie.

But shrieks make him turn around as Sirius cowered behind James.

"Oh my Tom Marvolo, fangirls!" gasped Voldemort as the other guys broke into a run.

And thus ended the life of Voldemort, only to be reborn again with his Horcruxes as a beautiful purple, majestic butterfly, by the fangirls running after the Gryffindor sex-gods, trampled and forever forgotten.

On another hand, while Voldemort writhed in pain, awaiting his imminent death, Ron Weasley (illegally) Apparated into the flowery meadow, believing, quite vividly, that he was a fairy pirate.

"Argh, me scurvy lass, let us dance and parlay on the deck of me ship, no squabblin' today, and may we dance as sugarplum fairies! I've brought me baton for th' other dance as well, what be it called? …Oh, greetings, Lord Voldemort, how be ye on this fine sugary day?"

Voldemort death glared at him (no pun intended). "Weasel… I'm… dying…"

"Oh, how absolutely _dandy_!" said Ron in a very cheerful voice.

"Ron…"

"Yes, Captain Vold?"

"Tell Harry…"

"Tell him what, Big Daddy V?"

"…Tell him…that I shagged his aunt…"

"The ghastly old Marge?"

Voldemort shudders. "No, the mudblood drama queen. Petunia…"

"Oh my Davy Jones, Voldie! Ye be naughty!"

"And tell him…that I love him…"

"Why'd you try to kill him?" Ron asked.

"Have you ever heard…the fairy king sing...?" Voldemort uttered.

"I wish I'd say I could, Vol─ Oh my, he be dead! …Tick, tock, tick, tock, oh my god, it's a crocodile! HE'S OUT TO GET ME!" Ron shouts and hides behind a tree.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the meadow, Sirius, James and Harry were staring at butterflies, as the fangirls had disappeared.

"I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders…" Harry remarked. "Like the whole world is suddenly safe… Or something philosophical of the sort."

"Oh, Harry, cut the crap and let's eat." Sirius barked at him. "Woof. Roar."

James rolled his eyes. "You can't be a dog and the Gryffindor lion all at once, Padfoot. Give your showing-off a break. It's annoying. You're like my son Hatty here."

"Hatty?" Harry asked, confused.

"Oh, yes, Harry, _Hatty_!" James exclaimed, raising his arms to the heavens like those people in gospel choirs. "I always wanted a son named Patricia, but Lily didn't, so we named you Harry. But now, you can be MY Hatty! MINE!"

"That sounds very strange." said Hermione, coming out of nowhere.

"Oh, Hermione, darling, hello!" squealed Sirius in a girly-girl-like fashion.

Hermione got a confused frown on her face. "Why is Sirius talking like a girl? I must meditate this out, to try and understand the conflicts of the world!"

But, to no avail. Hermione pondered so much that she fainted, and will be left out for the rest of this story until the end because we don't want to write about her anymore.

"Hey, what ever happened to the fangirls?" James asked.

Ron appeared again. He grinned. "Do not fear, for I am here!" he jazz-handed.

"Ron, are those wings on your back?"

"Why yes, old bean. I am a fairy pirate! And by the way, Harry, Voldo says he shagged your aunt."

"Aw, gross. No wonder I heard noises while Vernon was out…" Harry shuddered, scarred for life.

"Oh, and the fangirls killed Voldy, so we don't have to do anything anymore!" Ron grinned.

"WHAT?" Hermione yelled, waking up. "THIS MEANS NO _HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS_!"

_The End._

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**beatlestrawberrii's AN: We were bored and I just spontaneously said, "Let's write a collab!" So. We. Did. I'm quite happy with it. So review, because I like reviews and they brighten my day unless they're flames. We **_**are**_** aware that this is stupid (but awesome all the same). Have a nice day! :)**

**choco lover pink's AN: Well, I hoped you enjoyed our little spur of stupidity, We had nothing better to do, so we wrote this collab, Please comment, and I'll give you cookies… Or, a virtual handshake or something.**


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